Forgiveness, if done right, summons miracles that transcend human understanding. With it, people have broken life-long curses, have washed themselves with inner peace, have gained better careers, have secured quieter homes, and have been party to countless other solutions to otherwise unfixable life problems. The results of practicing Unconditional Forgiveness are three-fold; psychological healing, physical healing and miraculous changes.
Beginning with the obvious, holding grudges or fear brings the opposite of mental peace. Non-forgiveness becomes judgment when we believe someone is bad. Judgment then becomes a grudge. In more extreme cases, grudges become hatred. Hatred morphs into obsessive thoughts that haunt. The person you can’t forgive does not haunt you, but your own obsessive thoughts about that person haunt you through sleeplessness and bad dreams. If you could bring yourself to accept complete forgiveness for whomever is haunting your psychological mind, you will lose those obsessive thoughts. You will become free to focus more time and thought onto happier things. Life inside your mind will improve.
Hate, which is the opposite of forgiveness, can feel like a burning acid in your heart or gut. And as it turns out, the reason it feels like burning acid is because that’s exactly what it is. Years of churning the bile of non-forgiveness in the esophagus, the heart, throat, lungs, adrenals and immune system bring diminished quality of physical health and in the worst of case, premature death—not to the person you chose not to forgive, but to you, the one who didn’t practice forgiveness.
NEWSFLASH! Miracle Making
Mystical benefits transcend understanding when practicing the art of Unconditional Forgiveness launches inexplicable miracles. I can find no better way to explain it than to list a few of my own experiences.
First Example: Forgiving myself brought companionship
- At twenty-three, and after two years of mind-numbing loneliness, I forgave myself for being unable to trust a loving relationship and I stopped looking for a woman to keep me company. Every frustrated molecule of my body found release from the new belief that I could be very, very happy to live alone as a single man. One week later I met Colette. Four weeks later we married. We’ve been married now for thirty-three years and are both hoping for many more to come.
Second Example: Forgiving an obnoxious neighbor quieted the neighborhood
- Two months ago, I stopped hating the noisy, arrogant neighbor who had lived across the street from me for eleven years. “City life is city life” I said. It worked. I began to feel the relief of release around no longer obsessing about his behaviors. I could sense that my forgiveness of him actually took hold in my inner life, and I had come to finally accept him for everything he just was. I never spoke to him. I changed nothing except my inner feelings. To my utter amazement…One week later…he moved!
Third Example: Forgiving a childhood enemy broke a curse and stopped a repeating story
- At fifty, I forgave my childhood best-friend-turned-arch-nemesis, after he had lived in my nightmares for forty years. In 1970, after establishing himself as my closest friend, Anthony surprised me with an overnight switch. From that day forward he used everything he knew about me from our years as best-friends to turn me into a target for several years of atrocious mob-bullying, separating me from my entire class at Catholic school, and leaving me suicidal and unable to trust anyone I loved. Like a curse over my life, I spent the next forty years being attacked again at least four more times by other friends-or-family-turned-enemy, almost as if it was the theme of my life.
- At fifty, I asked a friend, “What is it about me that keeps attracting this same kind of villain over and over and over?” That friend asked me to share the entire story of how the original betrayal went down. She saw, with amazing clarity, that Anthony did what he did because of his own pain and shame. She helped me to understand why he became the monster he became. I immediately began to love myself and him again just as I had before the betrayal. Forgiveness washed through me like warm milk.
- Then life-changing miracles began to fall like dominoes. First, psychological relief released me from the lifelong nightmares. What happened next was impossible to explain in any way other than as a miracle from above. Within only months of my unconditional acceptance of Anthony, all the friends and family who were behaving as badly as he had done, left my life. All for different reasons, all at once, and all permanently—as if by magic. For the first time ever, I can honestly say that I can trust and love everyone who is in my life right now. I had apparently learned my lesson and was myself forgiven from having to endure any repeats of that betrayal ever again. I forgave Anthony, and then somehow enjoyed a new peace when other people like him stopped repeating the betrayal.
How to Bring Miracles through Unconditional Forgiveness
To use forgiveness correctly is more of an art than a science. Simple forgiveness is just a word. It becomes a superpower when it is practiced as Unconditional Forgiveness. Its lesser version, Conditional Forgiveness, is little more than the act of saying “I’ve judged you as bad and now I’m giving you my grace and tolerance because I’m better than you.” Unconditional Forgiveness blows the doors off of that by reaching a place of absolute, pure acceptance of another person for being who that person has always been, already is, and will probably always be, whether I like it or not.
In the amazing movie, “Ender’s Game,” Orson Scott Card writes;
- “In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. And then, in that very moment when I love them…. I destroy them.”
― Orson Scott Card, Ender’s Game
To me, to destroy an enemy is not necessarily to hurt that person, but to destroy the role they play as an enemy in your life. By converting a person to a friend, you have essentially destroyed them as an enemy. I have lived this quote and that’s why it spoke so loudly to me as I watched the movie.
True, Unconditional Forgiveness is an art that requires practice. I tried to forgive the three people I mentioned above many times before it finally took hold. Whenever I try to force forgiveness, especially when I misinterpret it as little more than bestowing the grace of my tolerance onto a person that I have judged as being bad, it doesn’t physically change anything. It doesn’t produce a positive result. It’s just a noisy string of words. It doesn’t actually work. I could say “I forgave him/her” but obviously by the fact that I still haven’t seen a miracle, the evidence says that I have not completely accepted who they are. It says that I have not yet decided to live my life my way and let them live theirs their way. For me, once I can successfully reach a point of complete acceptance, that is when the miracles fall like refreshing spring rain upon my life.
This blog post isn’t meant to teach the art of forgiveness. Others have already written those books. My message is simply that Unconditional Forgiveness is worth practicing because it brings miracles. Books and articles teaching the art of forgiveness are all over the bookstores and the internet, but be cautious of who you learn it from. Scores of religious sources teach as if it is nothing more than gracing a bad person with your righteous tolerance. These religious zealots forget that their God calls us equal and that none of us are qualified to judge another as bad. So how can we grace them with our Godly forgiveness if we’re no better or worse than them? For these religious teachers, forgiveness is little more than a kind word that brings no physical miracles to life. They’ll tell you it does, but in practice you’ll be able to judge your own results.
The reason Unconditional Forgiveness launches miracles is because Unconditional Forgiveness is the practice of Unconditional Love. It is the physical act of reuniting and bonding souls. Hate and judgment are the act of separating. Isolating. Anthony isolated me from my peers. I connected myself back in when I unconditionally forgave who he and I both are. Miracles respond to love (connection), not to judgment (disconnection). Divine connection happens to be the reason we’re here in this life at all. We’re not six billion isolated souls. We are six billion connected fragments of one soul.
Ultimately, I happen to know that I am as bad and as good as anyone I’ve ever needed to forgive. If I can love myself, I can love you. If I hate you, I hate myself. I recommend learning Unconditional Forgiveness from the perspective of learning to accept all life as equal life.
The word itself is called for-giveness, not aft-giveness. To for-give is to accept equality first, and deal with offenses later. Aft-giveness better describes the act of first believing a person is bad, and then gracing them with your benevolent tolerance because you believe you’re better than them.
Once you for-give unconditionally, you will give yourself the amazing gift of living a life connected with the very love that you’ve helped create.